


Cycles

by Lottery57



Series: Cycles Stories [1]
Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Blood and Injury, F/M, Family, Hatred, Heartbreak, Look it Up, Love, Ness's last name is mason, Other Earthbound Characters, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Paula's last name is jones, Psychological Torture, Self-Hatred, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Which I made up, it actually is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25715962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lottery57/pseuds/Lottery57
Summary: The cycle begins anew, and a new Giygas is born.
Relationships: Ness/Paula Polestar
Series: Cycles Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993327
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	1. Descent

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Magic for Beginners](https://archiveofourown.org/works/101065) by [Wasuremono](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wasuremono/pseuds/Wasuremono). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, a mention to Wasuremono and their fic, ‘Magic for Beginners’, which inspired this. Definitely read it if you haven’t. 
> 
> This story will be shifting from different points in time and is written in third person, but from Ness's perspective, who will be reminiscing about... many things. 
> 
> The story shifts from many periods of time but the present is 12 years after the events of the game and so Ness, Paula and Jeff are 25 years old and Poo is 27. Anything in italics and quotation marks is someone saying something in a flashback – it should be fairly obvious who is speaking. Enjoy!

It was hard moving on. Of course it was. Ness had seen things. So many things. The dark side to Onett's Police Force, the Happy Happy Cultists, actual zombies that almost killed him.

Then Fourside happened. Ness won't ever forget the corruption he saw in the Runaway Five's manager and... Monotoli. Monotoli. Ness doesn't think he'll ever be able to truly forgive the man – and this is despite knowing Monotoli wasn't completely at fault. It was only on Paula's very desperate requests that Ness didn't manage to manifest a Rockin Gamma and obliterate him – even if doing so would have likely destroyed Ness's own mind as well.

And even after all that, he saw the strained bonds between the two Andonuts, he saw the madness those in the Stoic Club devolved into and he saw Poo's Mu training.

Even though Poo was the one to experience it all, Ness could still see it all. The breaking of his legs. The severing of his arms. The gouging of his eyes. The slicing of his ears. The taking of his mind.

Ness thought he'd have surely seen it all and he did get some respite – until the Stonehenge Base. For all that Buzz Buzz told about the future, Ness didn't, and now never will, know truly what would happen if Giygas won. But the Stonehenge Base gave more than enough of an idea... those people, lifeless, in those capsules while aliens and machines run rampant.

It's a future Ness is glad he'll never know.

Exploring the recesses of his own mind seemed like fun. And it was, he got to remember so many things, see lots of wacky stuff and even find a cool new bat!

**And then he found the Mani Mani Statue again**.

At first, Ness was confused – he had destroyed this thing, and he made sure it was completely destroyed - he whacked it for nearly an hour before Jeff could finally pull him away.

But in hindsight, it did make sense. It was responsible for Everdred's death. It started Pokey spiralling into Giygas's control. And, of course, was responsible for taking her... her away the first two times – though, it mattered little when Ness thought about the third he lost her... That statue fuelled his nightmares for days... so, of course, his nightmare chose that form as a physical representation.

But even then... none of it compared to the end. That's what Ness always referred to it as. The end. Being robotised... it was a feeling like being dead... and yet very much still alive. Travelling back in time, knowing that he could very well die, and everything he worked for would be for nothing.

And Giygas. Giygas. What is there to say? For all the preparation he'd done for this moment, nothing could have ever prepared him for what this.

But looking back, it wasn't Giygas's Devil Machine and the fact that it was him, Ness, on it and the fact that Giygas could somehow use PSI Rockin, _his, Ness's,_ own PSI.

It wasn't seeing what Pokey had become, so pale and... lifeless, just a shadow of what he once was.

It wasn't even bearing witness to the abomination that Giygas eventually regressed to and the fact that they were powerless before him, forced to pray for help against his inexplicable PSI.

Oh, those all certainly gave Ness's Nightmare all the food it could ever ask for... but none of that ever really mattered.

It was the fact that despite not knowing what Giygas was, where he came from and what he wanted... Ness couldn't help but feel... sorry.

Those demonic screeches of pain, _'friends... Maria?',_ that twisted screaming, _'yarghh...'_ and, and, his body melting together, _'I... feel.. good.'_ and, and, and,

_'It hurts, Ness, Ness, it hurts, IT HURTS!'_

Was Giygas even responsible for everything? Was it mercy... to kill him? To put him out of his misery? Or were they only just adding to his pain? Ness... didn't know. He'll never know...

And even after... when it was all over. Ness thought he could return back to life as if it were... normal. As if none of this ever happened. He knows now how foolish he was to ever think that. How could things be 'normal', when he had seen things adults would never? It couldn't.

But for a while, Ness thought things could be normal. He believed it, he truly believed it! Everyone was happy. The two Andonuts were as reunited and seemed to have reached a mutual understanding. It would take time, of course, but the two seemed to be heading to a bright future, together.

Poo has learnt so much from his journey and was now truly ready to accept his place as King of Dalaam, seeing it not as a burden or a duty, but as an honour. And, even now, Ness can't deny that he made an excellent king... though a lousy friend. But, Ness won't try and argue that Poo's lacking friendship in him means that he must be a bad king... as nice as it would feel right now.

And, then _her_... Paula... she asked _him_ , _Ness_ to escort _her_ home. Ness was on cloud nine all throughout that walk. And at the end... he finally did it. He asked her on a date. And _she_ said yes! She said _yes_ , to him. _Him._

For the rest of Ness's walk, he thought of nothing but the future. How he and Paula would walk through life together, helping each other, how everyone would look at them, the love that they would share, and even... more... or as Jeff put it...

_"Well, if you two get hitched someday, maybe I'll be the one that fixes your broken electronic appliances."_

How nice. How nice, right? Just a sweet innocent comment, a joke about a possible future, the future that could have been, that future that _should_ have been. It was just a nice little remark, to make, right, there was nothing really to it, right, he didn't know, Jeff wasn't thinki –

_"DAMN YOU, JEFF ANDONUTS!"_

_The walls of Lumine Hall crackled before the words appeared in sync with the enraged psychic's voice._

...no, no, no, wait... wait a second... that's getting way too far ahead.

Back to the point, the two psychics were together after a long, arduous journey. And they were happy together. The two went on many dates together and eventually married each other, had two beautiful children and lived happily ever af – _OF COURSE NOT!_

But to Ness, it _should_ have ended that way. But in truth, only two things stated were actually true... the two psychics did get together after a long, arduous journey... and they did go on many dates.

Ness wasn't sure exactly when it all broke down... was it gradually, over time... or was it at a moment, like a flick of the switch? It seemed more likely to be the first.

Every day, it felt as if everything was becoming unstable for Ness. He became more... cynical. Where he was once happy to play with the younger kids in the treehouse, now he shunned them. What was the point? They didn't see all the things he did. Why... waste his time?

He grew agitated at the small things... why didn't people care about the things they had? They just went on, constantly trying to one – up each other.

_'We saved you! And you don't even care!'_

Pirkle was still the Mayor of Onett, and still relied on keeping people in the dark about everything. Captain Strong was still the chief after the questionable things he did – and he never arrested Lardna Minch for all of her abuse of her child. Rumours had it that the two were having an affair. That... disgusted Ness quite a bit.

And on the topic of Minches, there was Pokey. Ness won't ever forget the letter. Everyone - his parents, Tracy, Poo, Jeff, Paula, heck, even Picky, all admitted that Pokey was responsible for his own actions. Giygas may have started it all, but even after he died, Pokey still kept going along the path. He chose it.

But Ness knows that Pokey didn't. It was his fault. He was the one who pushed Pokey away at every point. After the Happy Happy Cultists. After the Mani Mani Statue was destroyed. After Giygas.

What if... what if things were different? In truth, Ness wasn't the biggest fan of Pokey. But... he would never have wanted this to happen. And he could have stopped it. But he didn't.

The guilt weighed down on him for eternity.

And then the future. Ness knew what he wanted his future with Paula to be. But academically? Ness was never good in school – and after missing almost a year's worth of work combined with a lack of direction meant he had even more to worry about. Apart from baseball, Ness didn't have anything he was particular interested in.

Heck, even baseball was failing him - he was kicked off the team after being absent for that long.

But while the day brought stress, it was certainly preferable to the night. His dreams were never the same after the journey. Every day, he would see _him._

Giygas.

_'It hurts... why... I feel good. I miss... you... I miss you... Ness...'_

The horrifying swirls that he was made up of haunted his mind... his power swirling through his mind. And then, sometimes it was Pokey instead.

_"Ness, no... Pig's Butt! Hahaha! Look at us now! I'm the king of the universe and this planet is just a playground for me! Who's the coolest one now?! Me!! Me, me, me, me! Pokey! Master Pokey! That almighty idiot is dead! And upon his grave, I am God! And you, Ness? You're just one of my toys. But don't worry... you're my favourite toy. You've always been my favourite toy. And we'll have lots of fun, together. Forever."_

And the guilt only doubled from there on.

But there was his friends! Ness was sure that they would know he was feeling. And they did help him out. Poo knew how to handle horror from his own meditation and Mu training. Jeff also give his own insights into how he felt, with him admitting that he was struggling to adjust back to life.

But... both were able to adjust far more easily than Ness. Both had their own skills that let them easily find their way – Poo was the Crown Prince in addition to a beloved ruler and Jeff's intellectual and mechanical prowess was on par with his own father - after the adventure, Dr Andonuts was even spending more time with his son, so it seemed like he would have a bright future.

If Ness rememberers correctly, the bastard did have a bright future as well – becoming the finder of Andonuts Incorporated soon after he turned 18. It was an organisation that created machines to improve people's lives, like the Instant Revitalising Device which, after some adjustments, was mass produced and distributed to hospitals all over.

They also did some research into weapons – making an efficient version of the Gaia Beam was one of the biggest breakthroughs they made. Finally, they did some general tech support – like installations, some tech support and things like... fixing broken... electronic... applian – _GODDAMN IT!_

... moving on though, at the time, his friends really did help him out.

But none more than _she_ did. Paula. Sweet, glorious Paula, the love of his life. She was... everything. She was his world. She kept him sane. Whenever Ness was having a bad day – which tended to be most days, he could always call on Paula to uplift him. She was his crutch in life and Ness was certain that without her... he would have given up a long time ago.

But for Paula, things were so much different. She was... happy. At least, she thought she was. But it was hard being in a relationship. She enjoyed her dates with Ness... but she was finding it hard. Ness was... changing. His eyes shone, not with the bright purple she once loved, but with a dull grey, that grew darker by the day.

Ness was bitter. Paula would show him some pretty flowers or some funny drawings the children did, only for him to scoff in derision. When she asked what he wanted to do in the future, he never had a response. He never knew.

When she reached out to his mind, there would be nothing initially. Until a few moments later, where Ness's mind filled with so many emotions. So much negativity, and yet... she could still feel his love. For her.

She told herself, it was natural. Ness had gone through more than she could imagine, even after it all ended. He needed her help, and one day, one day, he'd be Ness again. He'd be... bright and joyous and full again. For five years, she waited for Ness.

And at times, she could see it. She could feel the happiness, the sheer joy, radiating off of him. It was moment like this that made Paula hopeful – hopeful that Ness would be... _back._

And over time, Ness was regaining stability over his life, he had his girlfriend, he had his friends, he wasn't doing too badly in school, the nightmares had even started to wane, everything was... better. Everything was good, life was good, no, better than good! It was great! It was great.

So life had to throw another curveball at him. When Ness was 17, he came home one day and... he saw his mother. Crying. Sobbing. He asked what was wrong. He wished he didn't.

_"We're getting a divorce."_

Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Ah. Ahhh. Of course. Of course you are. Why... why not? Why... does... every... single.... thing in his life... _NEVER LAST!_

His mom would spend her days and nights alone. Tracy would just stowaway to herself and spend all her time either working for the Escargo Express or shut up in her room, refusing to speak to anyone but Picky. Which left just Ness. Alone. 

But it taught Ness an important lesson – nothing lasts. Not even love.

But... does that mean... the same applies for... Paula? No. It couldn't. They were strong. They had been through so much together and they were still here. It won't happen. _IT WON'T HAPPEN!_

With the divorce and all that it brought, Ness started to... regress once more. Paula kept trying to help him, reaching out to his mind to try and help him with his issues. But... unlike before, he only kept getting worse. Like a disease, that couldn't be cured. She could feel their connection wavering. It grew weaker, day by day...

Until one day, she reached out... and there was nothing. She felt nothing. She waited, trying desperately to clutch onto anything.

His... his love of baseball. Nothing. His love for his family. Nothing. His love for his friends. Nothing.

His love for... her. Nothing.

Nothing at all.

But everything else was still there. His sorrow, anger, envy, hatred, guilt, doubt, and at the centre of it all, a heart full of despair. She looked at his eyes, and they were stone. The person before her... it... wasn't Ness. It was... soulless. There was nothing left.

And then... that day. The day. Ness... will always... the day. He'll never forget it.

_"Ness... I... I don't know what's wrong. I thought I could help... but... I can't. There's so much... pain inside of you and... I, I just... I don't think I can keep... I can't keep doing this... I love you, I really do... but... I'm sorry. I think... I think we should stop seeing each other."_

Ness can't remember if he said anything. If he did, it would have been meaningless. It didn't matter. None of did. Because... that day... that was it. He lost Paula. The last thing that kept him... alive. It was...

Gone. Gone. _GONE!_

Ness... didn't know... what to do. His life... everything... was... falling apart. Lost...

One week after his 18th birthday, Ness searched his room for some things. His ATM Card. Some clothes. His Legendary Bat. A PSI Stone Poo had given him, to help him with his psychic powers. A special Swiss Army Knife that Jeff has given him. And... a teddy bear that Paula gave him, in the hopes it would help with his nightmares.

That night, Ness decided to sleep outside. Away from... everyone. Where it all began. The meteorite. To get his bearings. To figure out how to move on. But how could he? Paula... was indescribable. And... now, it was... over? What did... he do? Was it his fault...?

_No... Ness... you were perfect... you saved her. Remember... I know... you know... you saved her twice... and then... she abandoned you._

_"But I still... love her. And I thought... love was the only thing you needed..."_

How could he go back? To his mom, who would try and comfort him, when he didn't deserve it, when she needed comfort instead? To Tracy, who was suffering from the divorce and who had Picky to support her?

To Jeff, who had established a company so large that it would soon eclipse the company Ness's father worked for, and was far more successful, both in terms of career and family, then Ness?

To Poo, who was beloved by all his subjects and brought Dalaam from a growing area into a powerful nation, with people all over the world that looked up to him?

And Paula... who was everything in Ness's life. But she couldn't help him anymore.

No one could. That night, Ness accepted that... he was all alone. So... he could never go back. And he didn't.

**The next day, Ness Mason was declared legally missing by the Onett Police.**

Though many looked high and low for him, no one ever found him. Not even his own friends or family.

Because no one could get to where he was. He went to the eight places no one else could step foot in without him. The Sanctuaries. Ness made the Sanctuaries his own.

He never stayed in one for long either - after one and a half months, he would move to a different one.

But surely Ness would have needed food and drink to survive? And indeed, he did – every so often, he would get three hamburgers and some bottles of water from one of the towns – he always kept changing which one, to keep a low profile. And how often did Ness venture out for supplies?

_Once every four months._

Indeed, Ness, was also surprised initially by how little he actually required to keep himself alive. But he figured it out. It was the Sanctuaries, the conduits to the power of the Earth.They sustained him for long periods of time, so long as two things remained intact - Ness's mind and his will to live. And hey, the first condition was fairly to meet.

The second... was not.

Ness remembered spending many nights just using the knife Jeff gave him, and cutting himself with it. He sliced as hard and deep as he could into his arms, dropping enough blood to stain the Sanctuaries. Every time, he'd pass out from the blood loss.

But every time, he'd wake up, as if nothing happened - the Sanctuaries would heal him.

Ness isn't sure why he kept doing it. He knew he wouldn't die as long as he stayed inside of the Sanctuaries. But at the same time... he was almost too scared to do this outside of them. He wasn't sure if he wanted to die. Nor was he sure if he wanted to live.

In truth... he just wanted to suffer. And this was the perfect way - he could feel as much pain as he wanted, but he would never die.

For three years, Ness lived like this - though he did start to visit more areas than just the Sanctuaries. There were times in which he would camp in Grapefruit Falls, Deep Darkness and the Lost Underworld - being areas that few people would ever want to visit, yet ones he was very familiar with and could easily live in.

Ironically enough, when camping in these areas, he found something that he was actually good at - survival. His adventure had given him the strength he needed to survive in the wild, in addition to experience in how nature worked.

Of course, he didn't have to worry about nearly as many things attacking him now that Giygas was gone, but the few things that did rarely gave Ness cause to worry - although as Ness did find out, taking on a dinosaur many times larger than you is a lot more difficult on your own then it is with three others by your side.

So Ness decided to try learning some of the PSI his friends could - if only so he could pretend they were there with him. Ness drew from his desires to be with them again... he wanted to be able to meditate with Poo... he wanted to help Jeff with his experiments... he wanted to kiss Paula again...

But he couldn't do any of that. He left that all behind, and they were better off... without him.

He learned to use Fire and Freeze, to remind him of Paula as well as Thunder and Brainshock to remind of Poo - though he was wasn't able to use any of those PSI abilities as well as his friends could. He even went to Scaraba to buy a Bazooka so he could have a part of Jeff with him.

But Ness was painfully aware that none of those could ever replace them.

Still, Ness carried on.

It wasn't until a few weeks after Ness turned 21 that he made any substantial changes to his life. Ness headed to Winters for some food - it had been about 4 months, and it was there he found something that would forever change his viewpoint on... many things.

Ness teleported to the store near the Snow House Boarding School but when he emerged, he saw that both the store and the school were decorated rather heavily. A celebration? But there was no holiday at this time of year. Maybe it was a Winters thing he was unaware of? Probably.

Ness headed inside and got his usual supplies... but before he went to pay, something caught his eye. The newspapers. He decided to take a closer look at one.

_Strike One._

On the front page, was a 21 year old Jeff Andonuts. Out of curiosity to know what he'd come up with in the last 3 years, Ness decided to buy it.

_Strike Two._

And outside of the store, Ness saw a bench, so he decided to sit on it and open the newspaper.

_Strike Three._

The front page read: _"Genius Scientist gets married!"_

_"Woah! Jeff's getting married? Man... I wish I was like him..."_

Ness started having his own wistful thoughts of marriages... so many marriages he'd never see... his parents, Poo's, Jeff's, Paula's, Tracy's and of course, his own...

But... it didn't really matter now, did it? Ness continued reading.

_'The famous Foggylandian scientist, Dr Jeffery Andonuts, the 21 year old founder of Andonuts Incorporated and a distinguished philanthropist, recently caused quite the stirring in both the scientific and educational communities by announcing his proposal to the person he referred to as the love of his life._

_Though young, the scientist has accomplished many feats for his age, making many scientific breakthroughs in addition to being a member of the Chosen Four, and being married appears to be another thing this man will be doing at a young age! His fiancee is the same age as him - a locally beloved teacher -...'_

At first, Ness thought he was dreaming. This was just some incredibly vicious nightmare that didn't involve Giygas or Pokey... which as it happens, would make this the first nightmare in which neither of them played a part... but there was a first time for everything, right? Right? _RIGHT?!_

Sadly, a stab in the arm discounted that possibility.

Maybe this was hell? Yes, that made sense - Ness had tried to kill himself loads of times. Law of averages - the more times you try and kill yourself, the higher the chance that one of those attempts is actually successful! And Ness knew that he was a despicable human being that deserved to go to hell, so this was it! It made sense!

But one bite of a hamburger and its succulent flavors indicated to Ness that this probably wasn't the case either.

Which left Ness with the simple truth: the three words he just read were true.

But he wished they weren't.

For following the description of Jeff's fiancee, was their name given by three words:

  
  


  
  


**Paula Polestar Jones.**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, kinda hit a roadblock with Behind The Mask, and my brain won't do anything with that until I've finished this.
> 
> This was going to be a one shot, and the second chapter would be part of this, but that would quickly send the length into uncomfortable territory... so, here we are.
> 
> Still, I'm writing that chapter as if it were a part of this so I can't really talk about this chapter without the next one. Hence, I'll be giving a more complete overview after the second one. - the only thing I'll comment is that I really need a better title for this chapter.


	2. Into

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this chapter before the first... well, why? Go back! This directly continues off of the first one so... yeah. This chapter in particular is what gives this story its rating and warnings so... if you don't like that... turn baaack... Ahem.

_'Famous scientist Dr Jeffrey Andonuts proposes to local celebrity and teacher Paula Polestar Jones_.'

That was the phrase which echoed through Ness's head.

Huh. Huh.

Huh. Yeah... yeah... you know, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, it's nice... it's nice that Jeff could take care of her. It's great, that Jeff has fame, and, and the money, and, and loads of friends, and love, and now the person that Ness loved with all his heart... it's okay, it's _fiiine —_

_It was not._

In fact, Ness frequently found himself with thoughts such as:

" _FUCK ME!"_

_"NO! NO! NO! THIS IS... THIS IS ALL JUST ONE GIANT NIGHTMARE... SO WHY CAN'T I WAKE UP?!"_

And, of course, _"I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!"_

Sadly for Ness, some future research would inform him that Jeff was not actually gay, but rather bisexual. Bi...sexual. _BISEXUAL!_

Ness spent a month teleporting all over the world, searching for something, anything, that proved this was a hallucination, or a dream or just... not true.

And then... he saw the party. All his friends and family gathered round to celebrate the happy couple. Ness stayed there - in disguise, of course, hoping for some indication that maybe there wasn't really any love between the two.

But when he saw the two passionately kissing more so then Paula had ever done with him, any hope of that being true was quickly shattered.

Along with his heart.

But that wasn't even what really got Ness. No one... missed him. His name... didn't come into conversation. At all. Ness followed everyone he knew - his mother, his sister, Picky, Poo, Jeff, Paula - heck, even Frank, Apple Kid and Tony, hoping desperately that someone would make some comment about him.

Not a word.

Ness... didn't know what to think. After all the things he went through - all the things he did for these people and all the things which they did to him... his fate was... to be forgotten?

Was he really that insignificant? Was his presence really that... irrelevant...

This... proved it then. No one... ever cared about him. Ever.

He was sad... and _angry!_ He did all of this, all of this, and his fate was to be forgotten?! To have his love be... stolen, taken from him?! He suffered _for_ these people! He suffered _because_ of these people!

And now he was just... dust in the wind...

... finally accepting the reality, the psychic returned to Lumine Hall.

He wasn't exactly happy thou—

_"DAMN YOU, JEFF ANDONUTS!"_

_The walls of Lumine Hall crackled before the words appeared in sync with the enraged psychic's voice._

_"You knew all this time, ALL THIS TIME, you were just waiting for the opportunity! All this time, I can't believe I never even saw it! I truly am an almighty IDIOT!"_

_"I made you famous from this adventure! I gave you confidence from everything we faced! I helped you rebuild your relationship with your father, without a second thought – cause that's what being friends is about, right? Right? RIGHT?!"_

_"DAMN YOU, AND YOUR IDIOTIC FATHER WHO TRIED TO KILL US ALL! HE WAS JUST WAITING DESPERATELY FOR US ALL TO GET VAPORISED BY THAT PHASE DISTORTER!"_

_"Why... it hurts... it hurts... so... much. I thought... we were... friends. Friends... friends... no... you were more than that... it hurts..."_

_"But not for you. Oh no, not for you. Because... given all that you did... we were..."_

_"We were never really friends in the first place, were we?"_

_"Ah... ah, it makes... so much... pain, no, sense, no... fuck you... fuck you..."_

_"FUCK YOU! I WILL FIND YOU, JEFF! I WILL FIND YOU IN YOUR SLEEP AND I WILL DESTROY YOU! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW ANOTHER MOMENT OF PEACE FOR THE REST OF YOUR SHORT, MISERABLE LIFE! WHEN I FIND YOU... I'LL BREAK YOUR ARMS, SHATTER YOUR LEGS, GOUGE YOUR EYES, SEVER YOUR HANDS AND THEN..."_

_"I'll just take a knife, no, **the** knife, you know, **that** knife, and stab you over and over and over and over and over and over again. And I won't get bored, oh no — I won't get bored, not until your voice gives in and your ears rupture from your own screams."_

_"But I won't stop. Not until you're meat for the butcher. And then what? You don't think, I'll just leave you? No... what friend just goes away, and leaves their friend lying there in agony? Not me. No. Not me. NEVER!"_

_"I WILL SHOCK YOU WITH LIGHTNING FOR SO LONG THAT THOSE GLASSES OF YOURS WILL FUSE TO YOUR FACE! THEN, I'LL BURN THE SKIN OF YOUR FLESH, UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT BUT YOUR HOLLOW BONES, AND YOU'LL BE AS UNRECOGNISABLE AS YOU WOULD IF WENT INTO THE PHASE DISTORTER!"_

_"And then I'll freeze each and every bone, one by one, and shatter them with my bat, then eviscerate what little remains after."_

_"Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate. Freeze. Shatter. Eviscerate."_

_"Each and every bone."_

_"Until I'm all the way to what once constituted as your brain. And even without a body to feel pain, you'll know what I did, you're smart, right? You'll feel the pain. And I'll know your pain. You want it to stop. You start to... slip away... slowly... it hurts, doesn't it... it feels as if it's all going to end... it's going to stop... then..."_

_"PSI Lifeup Omega!"_

_"And then we do it all over again."_

_...with that, the writing on the walls stopped... though it did nothing to stop the psychic brimming with purple energy._

It was... it was... betrayal. It hurt... badly... and... it made Ness wonder...

They all forgot about him... but then again, he wasn't there... perhaps it was for the best. After all, he couldn't expect them to wait for him in the hope that he'd come ba—

_No, Ness! It was her fault! She left you, remember? She abandoned you! Everything that happened... your love for her... that's what led to the pain! The suffering... the pain... She was responsible for it all!_

_And then he capitalized on it... to spite you... to add to your pain... but it wasn't just those two.What about everyone else? Did anyone else attempt to stop it? Did they? No! Did anyone think about you at all? No! You were right to leave them! They never cared about you at all!_

They never did... it was true. Love... really... doesn't last, does it?

_Exactly. You've seen it time and time again. Our parents? They divorced. Pokey? He abandoned his brother? Dr Andonuts? He never saw his son for 10 years. And then, you and Paula... it didn't last either._

_LOVE. NEVER. LASTS!_

But the pain and suffering still does...

And Ness wanted nothing more than to impart something to everyone. And what would that something be? Himself. His sadness, his anger, his envy, his hatred, his doubt, his guilt and most of all, his pain.

Ness returned to the Sanctuaries - but things weren't the same. They would never be. While Ness once lived for the sake of living, now he lived for something else... a desire burning inside him. His desire to impart all that he felt upon his loved ones.

Every day, Ness would push himself. He was never the fastest person, but he fueled himself with all the years of insults in school that he had endured about his chubby physique. He took his hatred and kept going into sheer exhaustion.

He increased his strength by fighting against all the toughest things he'd come across, imagining that they were one of his loved ones. When he smashed a Chomposaur with his bat, it was not the dinosaur he saw, but rather Poo, and the screeches of pain the dinosaur gave were Poo's cries for help, before succumbing to death.

Whenever Ness saw an Uncontrollable Sphere, he'd smile, imagining its body was Jeff's head. He'd take a deep breath and blast it with PSI Rockin, before the sphere exploded, the fragments of it being pieces of Jeff's flesh.

Oh, but it was a real treat to see a Cute Li'l UFO! And Ness savored it every time. He'd approach it, and rip off its metallic ribbon, before beating the UFO with it, imagining he was grabbing Paula's ribbon and tearing off her head in the process, bashing her headless body until it was just a headless corpse.

It was so much _FUN!_

For every foe, Ness had a loved one to envision.

Of course, Ness didn't neglect his mind. He meditated in the Sanctuaries for hours on end, using the Brain Stone to concentrate. At first, it seemed pointless, and Ness did consider stopping.

But he felt some sort of connection... a connection between him and the Sanctuaries. The longer he spent, the more it grew. He felt his own power growing...

Ness wondered if he was just imagining that growing connection, because he hoped it was actually happening. He was used to depressing results though, so he didn't exactly expect any change though.

Well, until he destroyed a mountain with PSI Rockin.

Oh. Ohhhhh. When Ness first did that, it felt... exhilarating. The sheer... power at his fingertips. At first, he was... confused. He was never able to do this before...

But Ness soon realized why - the Sanctuaries. That connection really did mean something - the Sanctuaries strengthened him. Before, Ness had only used the Sanctuaries for their healing powers, but now... now he truly realized their power. They were more than just healing zones. They were the Earth's power. 

Ness had only used that power to reach Magicant... to clear his mind. But what Magicant had done was allow his Nightmare to work in harmony with him, giving potential for his mind to grow - and with the power of the Sanctuaries, he could make use of all that potential.

And there was a lot of potential.

Ness spent his time in the Sanctuaries, practicing using his PSI. But not just his PSI - all PSI. Ness first spent his time learning every single piece of PSI he didn't already know. But he didn't just stop there. He was determined to master every single piece of PSI.

He spent a month meditating in Fire Spring among his practice so he could burn forests down with PK Fire.

He caught many colds at Rainy Circle, but it was worth it to create freezing winds using PK Freeze.

He even spent time during a thunderstorm at Deep Darkness so he could create his own storms with PK Thunder.

Oh, it was hard. So hard. But the thought of being able to make good on everything he said he'd do to Jeff, and not just him, no, to be able to do that to _all_ of them... that desire... it kept him going.

The hardest, and the last thing Ness attempted was to learn PK Starstorm. Ness wasn't sure how exactly to go about learning it. Poo had the Star Master to help him, but Ness did not... and he refused to rely on others.

After all, he abandoned all of that when everyone abandoned him.

But through sheer force of will, a dose of sadness and hatred to fuel the attack in addition to nearly a year's worth of many, many attempts and Ness did it. He realized and mastered the power of every single piece of PSI.

He'd done it. That night, Ness celebrated by making statues of all his friends and family before obliterating them with a mixture of all the PSI he had spent that time learning.

His body also grew stronger from all the power he gained from the Sanctuaries in addition to all his training. Soon, creatures that Ness had struggled with, became Piggy Jelly in his hands. Every creature he saw would run when they saw him.

But it was a futile effort.

Ness would just chase them down and smash them as hard as he could. Or use the knife that Jeff gave him - it was rather effective, and Ness had grown to enjoy the sensation of digging the knife into something, before pulling it out, and seeing how much blood he could draw. One day, he'd do the same to all of those people.

_One day._

But through it all, there were times where Ness grew doubtful. He became scared of his power and the things he could do with it. Oh, before, he was just an incredibly strong human. But now? Ness's connection with the Sanctuaries was only growing stronger. His power grew exponentially. 

His mind reached the point where Ness felt he could do anything. He looked at a mountain and could obliterate it. He saw a creature and he could burn it to ashes, freeze it in its tracks and electrocute it to death, all at the same time.

Sometimes, when Ness focused on them, he noticed that lesser creatures could even be influenced by him. He could even outright take control of their minds if he wanted to.

So it was only a matter of time before he had gained enough power from the Sanctuaries to work his way up to creatures with minds strong enough to use PSI... like humans.

And that what scared him.

But whenever he felt his drive wavering, he'd pray to the Sanctuaries and he'd feel the drive surge back into him! He'd feel their energy uniting to serve him, the melodies intertwining together before he finished whatever walked in front of him with PSI Rockin.

Eventually, Ness was able to deal with everything with such ease that he grew bored. Fighting these things no longer had any meaning for him. He needed something stronger, something that could withstand all the abuse he was capable of dealing, somethingthat had grown and developed with him.

So Ness chose the one thing that was durable enough - himself.

He'd stab himself with his knife, aiming to cut as hard and deep as possible. Other times, he'd use all of his PSI, trying to turn his body into dust. He'd aim to see how long he could take the abuse before he could take no more. And...

He _loved_ it!

There would be times where he'd spend hours just slicing away at himself and blasting himself with PSI, eagerly testing his body, waiting to see when it would finally give in and break. And every time, just before he was absorbed by the darkness...

_'PSI Lifeup Omega!'_

He'd feel life rushing back into him, yanking him away from the grip of death. That feeling... it was...

It was _wonderful!_

Still, there were times in which Ness took some breaks - they were few and far between though. See, now that Ness was becoming one with the Sanctuaries, they could sustain him for far longer. Ness went an entire _year_ without anything to have — and he probably could have gone longer, he merely wanted to experience the pleasure that food gave.

When Ness did return to society that one time, he got some more information on _their_ wedding — including when it would happen. Ness spent many days debating it...

...but in the end, he decided not to go. Why should he? He wasn't invited, and what was he supposed to do - just watch _his_ love be taken away and be reminded of his own failures even _more?_ _NEVER!_

It was just... pointless suffering. Ness found out all he needed to know from newspapers — the most interesting thing being that Paula chose not to take Jeff's name.

Ness was... quite happy, to say the least.

He also found out that Poo had gotten married as well in the time he was away — to a princess from Scaraba. It mattered little to Ness.

Either way, he just kept going. He grew tired of it all, but at the same time, he didn't want to stop. Oh, he loved the rush of battle - seeing your enemy, then taking their form and molding it so it assumed one of the people who he loved, before imagining their deaths. Then, he made it reality. Oh, Ness never grew tired of _that._

It was everything else that surrounded it.

There were times in which Ness couldn't handle his own power. It would spill like an overflowing container with... dangerous results. But still, Ness kept going. Because he _wanted_ to. Because he _had_ to.

He spent months on end planning exactly how he intended to make his loved ones suffer. He'd make them all slowly... slowly suffer, before finally letting them die. And once he killed all of them, he would finally join them.

It's a _wonderful_ idea!

Sometimes, Ness thought about maybe... perhaps... just stopping. But those thoughts in his head was overshadowed by the other thoughts that said to keep going, to destroy them. The psychic only got more powerful. The longer he went on, the more driven he was, the more the power of the Sanctuaries untied through _him._

And so, Ness continued for four years before things changed again. But unlike four years ago, where things changed because of what Ness found out, this time, things would change because Ness intended for them to.

Ness would return to society once more.

Ness picked the date he returned very purposefully - it was a week after his 25th birthday. That wasn't what made it special though, no, rather it was something else. By Ness's count, it meant he had been gone for seven years.

Which meant... he was legally dead.

And hey, for once, Ness did get some sort of recognition, as there was an article in a newspaper he found, about Ness Mason, leader of the Chosen Four, now being officially dead.

Admittedly, it was just a side note, rather than the headlines, but Ness will take what he can get — this newspaper acknowledged him more than his own family and friends did.

In a way, Ness thought it was rather poetic — the dead person came back from the grave to haunt their loved ones.

And yet... he was already dead to them four years before, wasn't he? But soon, they'll be dead to him.

Ness didn't know who he'd go after first... he had reasons for any person being the first... after much deliberation though... Jeff was the clear choice.

And he was gonna enjoy this so much.

And so, that night, Ness looked over his initial plans for Jeff - re-enacting the Lumine Hall rant. But when Ness really considered it... this was insufficient. It hardly began to convey everything he wanted to do to Jeff.

Physical pain was a perfectly viable way to make someone suffer — but wounds heal. Physical pain was devastating in the moment but in the grand scheme of things... it didn't last.

Ness knows that fact particularly well, from years of bombarding himself with knife wounds, fire, freezing winds, electricity, fragments of stars and psychedelic explosions. And none of that left anything lasting.

He needed something that left a mark.

And Ness knows equally well what kind of pain would leave such a thing — mental pain. He would break Jeff's mind and his will to live... and when he wanted nothing more than to die.... Ness would be there, like the good friend he was, to grant that wish.

So, the question was: how does he make Jeff suffer mentally?

_It's simple, Ness. Jeff's incredibly smart...and he figured out an equally effective way to make you suffer... so why not use that same way?_

_By taking **all** his loved ones._

Yes... yes, that worked well. So then... who does Ness take?

Well, there was the Snow House Boarding School. It wouldn't be too out of Ness's way to make a detour there and blast it to smithereens with Starstorm.

Who else, who else.... Ah! Dr Andonuts... the older one. He had apparently retired at Saturn Valley — which would only make it all the easier for Ness to find him.

He'd chuck him the Phase Distorter and see what happened. Worse case scenario, he'd come out as a skeleton — not quite alive, but not quite dead either. Best case scenario —maybe he'd just disappear all together!

Which would leave Jeff wracked with the constant uncertainty of his father's fate — or for something more appropriate for Jeff, the game of Schrödinger's Cat that Ness would force him to play.

Alright, Ness was really getting somewhere! Who else, who else...

_Enough. You're wasting time. You already know the answer._

**_Paula._ **

Ah. Ah. Well...

Paula... it certainly did make... sense. Losing one's wife would certainly give the crippling pain Ness was aiming for...

But it was Paula. And...

_And what? And what, Ness? Think about it... what better way to make Jeff suffer? To take back what was rightfully ours — no... **yours**. And we can still grant her mercy. We can give her a quick death. She wouldn't even feel a thing. And once you do... won't you be free? Your pain caused by your love... it would be gone. The pain... it would stop._

Yes... if Ness did it... he would finally have moved on from her. He spent the last seven years in preparation for this, and now... he could move on.

And Jeff, would suffer. It was perfect.

_Go to her. If you can do this, if you can break free from this chain... you can break all the chains keeping you... Ness, you know you have the power! All that's left... is the will._

Yes... he would do it. He would. He knows he can. It's simple. It's effortless. And nothing would stop him. He'd break free from this chain, and then... he'd break free from them all.

With that... Ness teleported to Twoson.

Twoson had expanded over the years. The department store had gotten bigger and Burglin Park was busier than ever - there was even a monument to Everdred. The Polestar Preschool had also changed - it was now an actual school, which Paula had become the headmistress of.

Which all led to... now. Ness... had been thinking about everything that had led him to what he was about to do. And now...

Ness slowly approached her house - she still lived in Twoson, rather than in Winters with Jeff - being able to teleport perhaps made the long distance thing a non issue though.

Ness remembered... that he was the one who taught Paula how to teleport... it was in a field in between Onett and Twoson... they even had a picnic there and made it a date... it was... nice. Yeah, it really wa—

_Ness, no! No distractions! Isn't that what caused this pain in the first place?_

Right, yes. Focus. Ness looked in through the windows... and then he saw her. Paula.

Paula had... certainly changed over the course of seven years. Ness did see her four years ago, but he was too stricken with... other emotions to actually look at her.

She had changed from the pretty girl Ness knew into a rather beautiful woman - even after her years as a teen. She was rather tall, and yet her face was still rather similar to what it looked like when she was young. She must have looked nice... walking down the aisle...

_Ness!_

Focus. Either way, despite all of those changes, none of that would accurately describe the biggest change to her.

No... that honor would go to the rather prominent bulge on her stomach.

She was... pregnant.

Perfect... the pain Jeff would feel would be infinitely more... the loss of not just his wife...

_But his child as well. And all you have to do Ness, is just knock on the door, wait for her to come, and then use Jeff's knife. Ten seconds. That's all it'll take. And then... it is finished. Good luck._

Ness... never really liked children, when he thought about it. He'd grown to hate the children at the tree house... and at the preschool.

But then again, your own child is always... different, isn't it? It's... your own flesh and blood. It's a symbol of love, isn't it?

_It is, isn't it? And just like love, it doesn't last. It can be destroyed. And very easily as well_.

Ness wondered... what would... what would it be like to have a child. Would he be like his father... and never be there for them? And leave... his wife?

When he looked at her... she really did look happy... as if, she was the happiest girl in the world.

_Ness? You're at the door. Are you ready?_

It was time... Seven years of preparation and now... he was really going to do it, wasn't he?

**He was going to kill Paula Jones.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... remember when I said this would be the conclusion... yeah, this got far too long as well. My baaaad. I promise though that the next chapter will be the conclusion to the story — three's a nice number, plus it allows me to do that 'make a phrase out of the titles' thing.
> 
> Highlight of the story for me? The Lumine Hall rant — although the fact that I actually managed to use Schrödinger's Cat in a fanfic and have it be contextually appropriate is up there.
> 
> I will say this though since it's relevant for both this chapter and the next one — if it wasn't clear, the voice speaking to Ness in italics when he's alone is supposed to be Ness's Nightmare, who, in this fic, became a part of Ness after Magicant. 
> 
> It's not necessarily a completely separate entity from Ness, it is Ness (hence why it refers to Ness's parents as 'our parents') — but it has a more cynical point of view that Ness himself chooses to accept more and more over time.


	3. Insanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so spoiler alert, this definitely is the last part. And hey, since there's the same number of games in this trilogy, I'd like to think that each part is representative of its corresponding game in the trilogy.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the conclusion of this story!

Seven years of strengthening both body and mind... all for this. And now... Ness would use it to break free of everything.

**By killing Paula.**

Ness was here. He just had to knock, wait and then... stab her with the knife. It was... simple. Simple.

Okay... okay. First thing then, knock on the door. Just knock on the door... knock on the door...

Ness started... shaking. Haha... he can... he can do it. Just knock on the door and wait... and then...

_Kill her. It's simple._

Yeah... it's simple.

"I can do it. I can do it. I can do it! I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can... I can... I can... I, I... I can't...

"I CAN'T DO IT!"

Ness... ran away. He... teleported... to Giant Step.

"DAMN IT! I CAN'T... I CAN'T! I CAN'T KILL HER! I..."

"I still love her... I spent so long... so why can't I... why can't I move on?"

_Alright, alright, calm down. It makes sense — she helped you a lot... so you still have some... lingering feelings for her. Perhaps... we need to start smaller... something easier and then... work our way up..._

Yes... something smaller. Someone Ness, could kill more easily.

_How about Poo?_

Poo... he hadn't heard from Poo in ages. He mediated with him a lot in the past... but Poo had perhaps the least relevance in his life... so surely, surely... there was nothing left. It would be much easier!

So with that... Ness went to Dalaam. Now, Poo would be heavily guarded, being royalty, but Ness would easily be able to dispose of any guards, as he would be far, far stronger than any of them, so getting to Poo would be easy.

However, of all the people Ness knew, exempting himself, Poo would be the most likely to keep up with some form of training and given Poo's previously established strength, (Starstorm isn't exactly easy to use) he may very well put a fight. Ness would say he was still stronger than Poo, but it couldn't help to be careful.

_If you're worried, you could just make things easier by razing the palace down. Starstorm? Certainly a sense of irony to it. But Rockin would probably create more destruction, so there's a better chance of killing Poo._

Indeed... and this way he wouldn't even have to see Poo. He could just stay right here, outside... before he killed... him. It would be much easier.

But then Ness started.... remembering. The people of Dalaam... he would be taking away their beloved ruler... no, not just their ruler... but his... friend? Poo... saved him many times... against Master Barf, against the Starmen, and even after they finished their adventure... Poo helped Ness with his thoughts, his dreams... and of everyone, Poo... he never really did do much to Ness... so did he... have to... do it? Was it... right?

In the end, Ness got cold feet and teleported again, this time to Pink Cloud.

"Poo... didn't really do much... he abandoned me... but that's no more than everyone else did... wasn't it?"

_... okay, okay. You still have your love for Paula and you don't feel that you can kill Poo in good conscious. Okay. Alright. What about someone you hate then? Someone you want to kill. Someone you hate with every fibre of your being. And once you kill them, it'll be easier to kill the others, wouldn't it?_

So then, Jeff. Jeff. He stole, _stole_ , his love away from him. He was responsible for all of this, surely? Ness had spent nights just waiting for what he'd to him. He wanted to do so much more to Jeff... but if he had to go and kill anyone first, to ease himself into it, then... Jeff would be the first to meet the Reaper.

So Ness teleported to Winters and made his way to the lab.

_Just break down the door, grab that bastard, slam him down to the floor, and make him feel pain! Do everything you said you would do at Lumine Hall! All of it and more!_

He took everything... Jeff had contributed to his pain and suffering the most... he would kill him, and then, he could kill all the others. Now that Ness thought about it, he was probably working on some sort of experiment right now.

_And doesn't that proves that he doesn't love Paula at all? If he did, wouldn't he be there, in her time of need for him? Even if he was once your friend, punish him for that, if nothing else!_

Ness remembered Jeff's experiments... a lot of the time, they'd fail, usually with explosive results. But Jeff... would always keep trying. Even when he kept failing, over and over... he would always... just dust himself off and go at it again. It was... admirable... in a way.

Sometimes, Ness helped him out on those experiments. They were... fun. Ness didn't always understand what Jeff was trying to do... but Jeff was rather patient with him... and... he always did explain things to him... he... really did do a good job as well... he did a good job making Paula happy as well...

A vortex opened up at Rainy Circle.

"I... can't... I CAN'T KILL ANY OF THEM! I CAN'T DO IT! I... I... I don't... I don't want to...

And, for the first time in seven years... Ness began to cry.

_Why... just... wh — GODDAMN IT, NESS! Why?! WHY?! THESE PEOPLE ALL HURT YOU! All of them... THEY ALL CONTRIBUTED TO YOUR SUFFERING! ALL OF THEM!_

_Paula... she strung you along for five years and then, when you needed her most... she abandoned you! She just left you to pick up the shattered pieces of your life! And to prove she never even cared, she immediately moved on, to Jeff! As if it all meant nothing!_

_Jeff... he not only took Paula away from you, but the life you could have had with her! What friend does that?! And he has the audacity to get her pregnant and leave her in a different country?! He did this all, just to spite you when, for all he knew, you were dead!_

_Poo... always busy with his country. He never had any time for his 'friends'! He thought he was just too good to hang out with the people that helped save the world! And you still care for a person like that?!_

_But... it's not even just them, Ness. Isn't it everyone?_

_Picky... he was useless for that brief stint that you had him for at the beginning. And considering how Pokey went... he could go the same way as well! The Apple of Enlightenment never falls far from the tree._

_Then... there's our sister. Tracy. She didn't do anything to help throughout all your suffering. Even though you helped her all throughout her life. Aren't siblings supposed to support each other?_

_The older Dr Andonuts... a kind old man on the outside... but he abandoned his own son for ten years and was perfectly willing to send four kids to the past in robot bodies, knowing full well that they may not come back! Is that the mark of a good person?_

_And finally our dad... he was never there for you at all... do you... do you even remember what he looks like? I... I don't... I can't remember... but it just shows how little he did for us. And the divorce proves it! He destroyed Mom's heart, and our family!_

_All these people... all of them made us, you, suffer... isn't this what we... we worked for? And if we stop... well... there's nothing left..._

Ness stood up and looked at the pond before him.

"Everything... all those... things you said... it's true... but... is because they are or... is it because we...we've been looking at things in the wrong way?"

"Dr Andonuts... he may have left his son... but he at least gave him a good education... because he cared! And sure, he knew we could have died when he turned us into robots, but... there wasn't any other way... we all agreed to it. Look at what happened to Pokey... and you'll see that it couldn't have been easy for him either!"

"He was sending his son and his friends to their deaths... and he would have felt grief if we died because of him. And didn't he try to be a better father to Jeff? He did, and I'm sure Jeff is glad to have him in his life."

"Poo... I may not have seen him very often... but he had his duties to do. And whenever I did see him, he... he always enjoyed his time with us, even though those times were infrequent. He let me meditate with him as well... and the nightmares even started to wane because of him!"

"He was... no, still is, beloved by his subjects... he saved my life countless times. He may not have been there very often... but he was always there when it counted. I could always rely on him."

"Picky. He didn't help me very much in my adventure... but he was still kind. Of all of the Minch family, Picky was the exception — he treated others like actual human beings. And because of that... I know he won't turn out like Pokey did."

"And he was such a good friend to Tracy as well when they were children! When I was gone from my adventure, Tracy told me about how much time Picky spent with her... it helped her forget that how much she missed me. And then he started dating her when they got older... and she was so happy, wasn't she? So... he will always have my gratitude for being there for her... because I wasn't..."

"Then... Dad. I hate him... and I still don't know how to feel about him... you're right. He was gone for so long that I... I can't quite remember what he looks like. And he did break Mom's heart with the divorce."

"But... even after that, he still supported me and Tracy through school. He supported us all financially... and perhaps... we saw only the negative side of things... maybe Dad saw that his relationship with Mom was becoming all the more... strained, because of all the distance and... he wanted Mom to be able to move on... choose someone else, if she wanted."

"And the same went for... Paula. I... still... love her. I don't think that'll ever change... but I'm not sure if I want it to. But our relationship... she was the one supporting it the entire time... and... eventually, she couldn't take it anymore. And... it's all my fault. A relationship is supposed to be a give and take... each person supports the other. But... I couldn't give anything to her. And... "

"These past seven years... I've always seen her... as... just a thing. Always saying how she was stolen from me... as if she were an object, rather than a person. I never saw her as the strong, independent women she always was..."

"I don't deserve her. I never did. And I don't deserve her now. I may love Paula, but if she still loved me now and never moved on... I'd be nothing but worried for her... for still loving someone like me."

"But she did move on, didn't she? Jeff. Jeff... he's another person I feel... conflicted about. But, in all honesty... I'm just a bitter, envious fool. I'm envious of Jeff, for being far more successful than me — in terms of finance, family and romance. He 'stole' Paula from me... I... what a self centered thought..."

"Jeff loves her... he treats her well. And... she loves him... perhaps more than me... and... it hurts... it really does. But that's not... it's not Jeff's fault. It never was. It was always... mine. He was everything to her that I could not be... he is her life now. And... that's just how it is. I don't like it. I don't think I'll ever like it. But... that's my problem, isn't it? Just like everything else... it's always been... my problem."

"And Tracy... she was the best sister a person can ask for... she was may have been my younger sister... but with her maturity, she was really my big sister. And siblings are supposed to support each other... but I never supported her at all."

"She really grew up to be a thoughtful women... she rose beyond all the struggles of her life, unlike me. I crumbled and ran. I love her... and I hope she has the happy life she deserves with Picky."

"All these people... they tried to help us, but we... I... I just pushed them away more and more. I... I only ever saw the negatives in my life. I only focused on the trauma, my struggles, my nightmares, my doubts... but I forgot all the things I had."

"I still had my friends, who I could always rely on! I had my girlfriend who was always there for me, and then some! I had a sister, who was there through all my struggles! I had my dad, who supported me even though he couldn't be there! And... I always had Mom..."

"Everything you said... it's true. All the things that happened... I can't deny it. But we saw things from one point of view, and everyone else saw it from another. And in the end... they're the ones with successful and happy lives... and I'm the one here... alone... AND IT HURTS!

"It hurts so much! But you know what the worst part is? It's all my fault. It always was. So what now... keep going? But... I can't kill them. I can't. And if you don't believe me... you're only fooling yourself... because you can't do it either."

_What do you mean?_

"You said something about everyone... no, almost everyone. Because you forgot one person."

_I did?_

"You forgot Mom. And it's obvious why... it's because there's nothing either one of us can say about Mom and how she made us suffer. Because Mom never did do anything. She was always there for us. She was there whenever we needed her."

"Whenever we wanted some steak... she'd gladly make it. When we were struggling in school... she would be there. Whenever life was hard... Mom was there. And I miss her so much. I thought... I thought I had gotten over this... but some things don't change... no matter how old you are... you can still get homesick.."

"I miss Mom! I miss everything she did for me! I miss her hugs, her kisses, her sass, her words of consolation, her cooking, her advice, and most of all... I miss her love! I just... I wanna go home! I... just want to see her again!"

"But I can't. After... this. I... I can't let her see what I've become. Better for her to remember me the way she wants to... rather than the way I am."

"Mom... she did everything for us.. and she never once did anything to hurt us... and... and you know it's true..."

_Never say never. You're forgetting when Mom... well no... instead, what about that time where... or when she... ah! She messed up... but... there was... no, hm, ah, but, what if... don't you remember when she took... when she hid... she wasn't there on that... but, there's... and... hm.. no... what..._

"You can't do it, can you? Because you know... Mom was always there."

_NO! It's not true! You suffered and Mom was there... but she... was there... she was... always there... right? And... she... I... I... Ha... hahaha... I can't ... I..._

_I can't do it. You're... right... she was always there..._

"Exactly... Mom never did anything to hurt us... But... this gives me an idea. I tried killing Paula because I loved... no... I don't deserve to say that. I tried killing Paula because I thought I loved her... so if I could kill her... I would have no issues with killing anyone else."

_Yes, this much is clear... but what, exactly, is your point?_

"Maybe we've been trying this the wrong way... we need to start with the toughest chain to break... but it isn't Poo, or Jeff, or Paula."

_Ness... where are you going with this?_

Ness gripped his knife harder.

"It's Mom... I have only love for her... and I know... I have no desire... I don't want to do this at all... but if I know that... if I kill her... then I will have broken free of any of my mental restraints I still have... I can break any chain... can't I?

_What? NO! You're not saying...._

"If I kill the person who was always there for me... then I can kill anyone, can't I? So... let's do it. It's time... to go home."

Ness started to teleport.

_No, no, NO! What are you thinking?! Don't you... DON'T YOU DARE! Ness... NESS! Please don't do this! Stop... stop it! STOP IT! NESS... I SWEAR TO MAGICANT... IF YOU HARM ONE HAIR ON HER HEAD... NESS! NO! NO! NO! I... NO, NESS, I SWEAR, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, NESS, I'LL KILL YOU!_

With that, Ness stopped spinning.

_...ah.... clever... I'll give you that._

"And now you see what I mean... Mom was always there. Always. And not just her... they all were. But we..."

_We were just too... short sighted to see it, weren't we? I truly am... an almighty idiot._

"And... I am as well. Look at me. I'm only 25 years old and I'm so powerful... I've taken so much from the Sanctuaries that I can't even grasp the true form of my own power. And in doing so, I lost everything along the way. I lost all my loved ones... and I lost myself.

_So... what now? I... I don't think I can keep going on... and I don't think you can either._

"I've wondered for so long, whether I should live or not... but I think now... we know the answer. So... why don't we end things... where it all started?"

Ness dried his tears... and started spinning. When he emerged, he was at a grassy hill, with the night sky shining down on him. At the top was a rock with an eerie glow to it...

_The meteorite... I can think of no better place._

With a heavy heart and mind, Ness walked up the hill. He could have ran or jumped, or even just teleported to the meteorite... but he wanted to remember everything... for the last time.

He passed his house... the house that he had so many memories of... good and bad... he passed the Minch household... the house that festered Pokey... his greatest regret. Ness couldn't be more thankful that Picky was able to get out of there.

He passed Liar X Agreate's place... where he first saw the Mani Mani Statue... the thing Ness hates so much... his nightmare took at as it's form...

_You know... for the longest time, that statue... that's what I was because it's what you hated... what you feared. But then my form... it changed... I was many things... sometimes, Giygas... other times, Pokey.... but now..._

"Me."

Ness reached the top of the hill. The meteorite shone with its eerie light. He sat down next to it.

"I'm ready."

_Shall we... do it together?_

Ness nodded his head.

He quickly snapped his head towards the stars before two voices rang clear through the night sky.

"PSI Rockin Omega!" _"PSI Rockin Omega!"_

A psychedelic explosion shattered through Ness's mind... he could feel the pain... it hurts... and yet... it feels g o o d. Ah... it was... sweet... r e l e a s e.

Ness felt himself be absorbed by the darkness... it would soon be all over...

And then it was. It was all over. Ness opened his eyes... wondering what he would see...

**And he saw the meteorite.**

He... wasn't... dead?

"What... what happened? Why... am I still..."

_You're still alive... ? How... maybe we should try again...?"_

Once again, they tried PSI Rockin.

Once again... Ness survived.

They tried Fire. Nothing. Freeze? Still alive. Thunder? Not even close.

Ness even tried Starstorm... but that didn't work either. He'd tried using everything all the same time...

When the dust settled, there was a crater far larger than the one the meteorite created... and at the centre of it, Ness... still standing and still alive.

"Why... why isn't anything working? Why... why can't I die? WHY CAN'T I DIE?!"

Ness started assaulting himself with all his PSI, and yet... nothing.

_Ness... look at you._

"What?"

_Look at yourself._

Ness did so... and he saw nothing particularly noteworthy. His body was fine. There wasn't anything wrong...

Until Ness realized that there should be something wrong — he should be battered and bloody from all that he'd done.

But it was as if... nothing had even touched him.

Ness drew his knife. He aimed very carefully... and plunged it into his heart.

At first, Ness wondered if he just completely missed his entire body... because he didn't feel anything. But then he looked down... and he saw the knife, sticking into him.

_Ness... your body..._

Ness looked at his chest and although there was blood, it was... disappearing? How? The wound begun to patch itself, and Ness felt his heart beating faster.

Then the knife shot out of his chest. What was happening?

Ness tried stabbing himself again. And again. And many more times. Each time, the wound would patch itself and if he left the knife in, it would be forcibly removed.

"What... what... I can't... I can't die! NO! Let me die! LET ME DIE!"

And after all of this, his nightmare started laughing madly.

_Hahaha... hahaha! I think... I think... I get it... I know what's happening... and it's so funny... I don't even know why I'm laughing because this means... I can't die as well... but it's... so funny! Ness... the reason you can't kill yourself... is because you're too strong! All your training... all the power you've absorbed from the Sanctuaries... it's made you practically invincible! You can't die... not even by your hand!_

He... couldn't die... he couldn't die? No, it can't be!

For the next month, Ness teleported all over the world, trying to find ways to kill himself. He threw himself off Pink Cloud. He survived. He tried going as high as he could into a thunderstorm at Deep Darkness. It merely tickled him. He dipped himself in the magma at Fire Spring. It felt like taking a hot bath.

No matter how hard he tried, like with everything else he attempted in his life, he failed. He couldn't even kill himself.

But Ness still kept trying. He spent close to a year desperately searching for a way to kill himself. He tried everything. He tried nothing. But the longer it went on, the more desperately he searched.

Ness, so desperately trying to kill himself, cared less and less about everything around him. He just wanted it to be over. He cared not if he lost control... as long as there was nothing left for him to control.

And for it... the world paid the price. Ness would burn the forests of Deep Darkness in his futile attempts. He destroyed the pyramids of Scaraba, hoping the ensuing debris would crush him. He used his telekinesis to create tidal waves at Summers, hoping that they would swallow him whole.

Ness didn't even have to will things anymore. If he saw something he could use to kill himself, as if by instinct, it would happen. And it would fail.

Ness... went insane. He... could only think about how he just wanted to end. He would give anything just... just to end it. And one day... he did come very close. It was his nightmare that suggested it.

_What about the Phase Distorter?_

Yes... nothing living would survive... if anything could grant Ness sweet release, this would be it!

So Ness stole the Phase Distorter. It was kept under maximum security by Andonuts Incorporated at Saturn Valley — but maximum security didn't mean much to Ness. Maximum security was just a question to him, and the answer was PSI Rockin.

He took it and teleported it to Milky Well — Ness could teleport objects, but larger ones were harder so he went to this Sanctuary as it was the closest to Saturn Valley.

He went inside it... anything organic would be completely vaporized by it when if they attempted to back in time. Vaporised... such a brilliant word... exactly what Ness need right now.

He set the time coordinates for the exact same time he left — even Ness knew it was best not to mess with time too much. He saw what happened first hand.

_Ready?_

And when it activated... it was pain unlike anything else. This wasn't like being stabbed in the heart, which was short and sweet. Nor it was it like being blasted with PSI. It was something far worse.

Ness's clothes came out the best. Completely vaporized. Reduced to their constituting atoms.

Ness... was not so lucky.

He could... feel, feel his skin being burnt until it became plasma, before it was atomized. His nerves felt as if madly hacked away with a surgical knife. He could feel radiation seeping into his bones and the sickness that came from it. His organs felt as if they were being replaced one by one... no, not even replaced... they were just being teared out. He could feel his eyes being blinded before bursting from the pressure. He could feel himself... dying.

_Ness... I... I'm so sorry... that I... can't be there... anymore._

The Phase Distorter stopped... and released its sole remaining occupant.

It was... Ness? No... what came out of there was so horrifically disfigured, that the Apple of Enlightenment wouldn't have even recognized him. What came out... no longer constituted as... Ness.

It was a decrepit skeleton, with skin desperately clinging on to what little they could, arranged in such a manner that merely gave the illusion of a resemblance to Ness.

And it shared one other similarity with Ness.

It was still alive. Even after all of that... Ness was still, though in the most basic definition of the word, alive.

Ness wanted to scream. But... he didn't have a mouth to. He was in this state of continual pain... still alive... and yet far too... weak to do anything.

**Ness was absorbed by the darkness.**

When Ness awoke once more... he had changed. The Sanctuary and his own powers had healed him. But unlike before where all of Ness's injures has been healed... this time, they failed. Some of his flesh had been restored, but not all of it... his bones were still very frail, but they now had some form to them.

And hey, at least Ness had a mouth now.

_A single scream echoed though Milky Well._

Ness... never returned back to normal. His body never returned back to what it was before. And his mind was never the same... because his nightmare... was gone. He couldn't... hear it anymore.

**It was dead.**

Though Ness did regain his energy, he couldn't do anything. He felt every action drained him.

Ness didn't leave Milky Well, he was too weak to do... anything. For weeks, no, months, Ness did nothing lie there, desperately trying to stay awake for as long as he could.

Because it was infinitely better than being asleep. The nightmares... Ness started having his nightmares again... only they weren't about Giygas... or Pokey... but the thing he feared the most.... the thing his nightmare was...

**Himself.**

Ness saw himself burning everything in his path... he saw an endless blizzard tear though an area, he saw death raining from the skies...he saw everyone... die. Everyone he cared about... all of them died... by his hands... and eventually... so did the world.

He saw himself painting the sky red... the seas were stained with blood... nothing in sight — save for one island and... a white ship. Over and over.

Ness could never forget it. Whenever he closed his eyes, they'd ignite and he see it all again. He wanted to end. But he was simultaneously too weak to do anything, and too strong to die from anything. The Phase Distorter no longer functioned anymore. And that was the only thing that came close to killing him.

Eventually, Ness was able to move again. He could even teleport and leave Milky Well. But Ness never did. He was scared... if he left... would he do all that? Would he stain the world?

And... could he avoid it all? Or was it inevitable... and the future would refuse to change...?

Ness didn't know. So he stayed. No one could enter the Sanctuary without Ness so no one could hurt Ness while he was in the Sanctuary. He was safe from everything outside.

But that also meant that Ness couldn't hurt anyone else, so long as he stayed inside the Sanctuary. So everyone... the world... was safe from him... wasn't it?

The nightmares never stopped. Ness tried everything. He tried not to sleep, but his lacking energy made this an impossible task. He tried telling himself that he couldn't hurt anyone as long as he stayed here, but he still couldn't convince himself. He... he remembered the teddy bear that Paula gave to him... for the nightmares. Every night, he held onto it for dear life.

But when he shut his eyes, everyone else was clinging for dear life instead.

One day... Ness found hope. He remembered... something... a way... a way to control himself... to ensure that things... would remain the same. So his loved ones could live their lives.

Ness spent many weeks gathering his energy, before teleporting... for the last time. He emerged at an area with grassy cliffs, and a void of darkness beneath them.

_The Cave of the Past._

Where... and when... the time happened.

When they... when he... killed Giygas.

From Giygas's death, the future had changed — or in this case, the present. Before, there was nothing here, save for the rubble of a Phase Distorter.

Now... there was the rubble from everything he had killed when he'd gone back. It created its own mountain.

But maybe... beneath it all of it... maybe, just maybe... there was hope.

Ness started removing the rubble as fast as he could. Just grabbing things felt like his bones were grinding together, because, they were — his joints had all been vaporized from the Phase Distorter. Lifting things felt like gravity had increased by a factor of a thousand. And putting them down felt like everything was being dislocated, over and over.

But Ness didn't care. If he found it... none of this mattered... everyone would be safe. It took him weeks to get through all the rubble... and everything he found in between.

Amongst it all, he found countless corpses with hair entangled in machinery. Eight legged bodies littered in between. Broken fuel pumps and miniature nuclear reactors that no longer functioned. Shells of Starmen, the familiar patterns on their mechanical bodies.

Ness even found pieces of glass from a dome, and a spider leg, that clamped to him whenever he got near to it... as if it recognized him.

But after so much time... Ness found it.

An orb... a large orb that he hadn't seen for 12 years... but it was still here...

And still functional. Ness approached it... the front of it started changing... morphing rapidly... until it took the form of a thirteen year old boy, with a slightly rounded face and who still had life in his purple eyes.

"Me..."

It was the Devil's Machine.

The orb glowed and emitted an eerie sound... before it slowly opened up. It was waiting for... him. For Ness.

"So... this is... this is how things end...I can't say... I meant for things to end this way."

"Dad... why couldn't it have worked... between you... and Mom. I'll never know... but I know that... you loved me and Tracy, even thought you were hardly there... and that love will always... last."

"Poo... you always called me Master Ness. As if... I was stronger than you. But in truth, you were always stronger than me. And you always will be. Because... you knew how to face things... rather than run away..."

"Tracy... you've become such a strong women. You've found success in your job and chose very well in Picky... I'm sorry I won't be there for your wedding... I regret... all the time I could have spent with you... but didn't... and now... I don't deserve to call you sister..."

"Jeff... I hate you so much... because I hate that you were everything I wasn't. But now... I'm glad you could be with your father and find something you were good at. You may have been timid during our journey... but now you're far braver than me... you may have envied me a lot during our time together, but now... I envy you."

"Picky... I'm so sorry. For failing you. And your brother. I want you to know that everything was my fault. No matter what anyone else says, it was all me. I was responsible for him joining Giygas. Hate me all you want, I beg you, please hate me... but please take care of Tracy."

"Buzz Buzz... I didn't know you for very long... but you said I was a boy with potential... I wonder though... is this what you thought I'd do with that potential? Did you think... that I'd be worse than the thing I was trying to stop?"

"Paula... I love you. I still do. Even though I don't deserve to. I'm sorry that I couldn't be the person you needed me to be. I'm sorry for being nothing but a weight in our relationship. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the life you deserved. I remembered that... you called me your destiny... but in truth, I think... you were mine..."

"Mom. Thank you... for everything. For being there. Always. When... when I was young... you said to be... a strong, thoughtful boy. I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't grow up to be that person."

Ness approached the Devil's Machine. He put a hand to the side of it... and as he did, he heard another sound... but the more Ness focused on it... the more he heard it... a voice... his voice.

_"It hurts... doesn't it, Ness...?"_

Ness... smiled.

"And... finally... to you, Giygas. The suffering you inflicted upon the world is immeasurable... and yet... so is the suffering you felt yourself... and now I know exactly what you mean... my friend..."

And Ness meant it. Finally, he understood Giygas's pain, he truly did... and he was ready to join him.

"To all my friends and family, I will always remember the smiles and tears we had... and the memories that we shared. Goodbye."

As the Devil's Machine closed upon Ness, his last complete thought was about how he felt... g o o d.

**But it hurts.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hey, guess what, incredibly long author note/rant so here's your warning.)
> 
> And it is finished. I am so sorry for writing this, it was depressing — especially as a Naula shipper. So after twelve years of slowly losing his sanity, Ness seals himself in the Devil's Machine, to ensure he could never hurt anyone again... quite the downer... but it gets worse. 
> 
> See, my head canon for this timeline is that Pokey finds Ness in the future and delighted over the thought of having his best friend by his side once more, he releases Ness and forces him to destroy the world, leaving only the Nowhere Islands as his playground — essentially making the thing Ness was trying to stop become reality. 
> 
> You know... that's actually not a bad idea for a sequel to this... Huh. Don't worry, if I decide to do it, it'll be a long way down the line, cause Behind The Mask still needs finishing.
> 
> Speaking of which, I actually had a different ending originally — Ness would try to travel back in time to just after he beat Giygas and try to relive his life differently, but die from the Phase Distorter, with the life he could have had just out of his grasp. 
> 
> Which one is sadder? Pick your poison, but I feel this is more conclusive and is more in like with the main inspiration of this entire story — which was, what if Ness went through the same stages that Giygas did, eventually becoming another Giygas altogether?
> 
> And hey, both characters:  
> 1\. Had a relatively normal life with people they loved.  
> 2\. Eventually left those people because of something that happened and denounced them because they saw it as a betrayal.  
> 3\. Left society before eventually returning, only to be reminded of their initial love for these people.  
> 4\. Gained immense amounts of power, suffered severe deformation and went insane.  
> 5\. Eventually sealed themselves inside the Devil's Machine in an attempt to control their power, and both are (well, I'd like to think this also happens to Ness), released by Pokey Minch, who time travels to get to them. 
> 
> The other piece of inspiration was regarding Earthbound itself — my brother recently finished the game in June with me there to help him through the more esoteric parts, and it was here I realized a few things. 
> 
> Well, firstly unrelated to the game but I realized my brother's taste in video games is very bad as he believes Undertale to be better than Earthbound. Okay — that's a joke, Undertale is a fine game, I just prefer Earthbound personally, okay... alright... so please put the pitchforks away. Then again, my brother also believes Mother 1 is a better game than Earthbound... for some somewhat justified reasons. 
> 
> Back to the point, I realized that firstly Earthbound's a lot better than I give it credit for — I still believe Mother 3 to be better, but Earthbound is a lot better than I thought it was on my own play though. Second, Because I Love You is my favorite song in the game and those piano lessons have finally been worth it! 
> 
> And lastly... the game... is really messed up. I mean, yeah, we all think the horror that is Giygas but it's not just that, think about all the stuff I mentioned at the beginning of this first part... all this stuff would seriously mess a child up for life if they saw it all. 
> 
> And of all the Chosen Four... I feel Ness is the most likely to crack since he saw the most stuff and after things are over, he doesn't really have much of a stable future (Poo's the crown prince, Jeff's a genius and Paula at least has experience with children so I imagine she'd find a job involving them)... and so he did.
> 
> So again, my apologies for making something so sad — especially as my first Earthbound fanfic, but I think it paid off, as I haven't seen any stories that really consider the long term impacts that the events of the game would have or the links between Ness and Giygas. Anyway, thank you for taking your time to read this and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much I enjoyed it — it really was a fun diversion from BTM!


End file.
